Parenting Through a Year of COVID

 It's been a year. 

I feel like this whole post could be just that one sentence, for all of us. 

A year ago, everything felt so uncertain. It felt like each of our next steps were like walking on a lake of thin ice, unsure where we would fall through. The world felt like it was falling apart faster than we could keep up, as we struggled to cling on to our sense of normalcy. A year ago, a business trip I was supposed to go on to Orlando, FL was cancelled at the last minute and I found myself unexpectedly staying at home instead. My job was uncertain in terms of if we would all start working from home or not. All of the stores, restaurants, everything began closing. We became worried as a family with big words like Quarantine being tossed around whenever, when was this supposed to start? We went to the warehouse clubs and bought a lot of food in bulk in these fears that we might be home to cook for a long, long time. What if society literally collapsed and this was the end of the world? Would we have to survive on what we have in this house right now? How will we survive? These crazy thoughts raced through our minds as I'm sure they did among millions of others around the world. But, what we thought was certain at the time was what everyone was saying would be a mandatory 2 week quarantine. Thats it. Lets just all stay at home for 2 weeks and then the world will be fixed. And here we are, one year later. Still quarantining...mostly. 

But thats not what this blog is about. You all already know that part, we've all lived it. What's unique about COVID is that we all have it in common. All countries, all continents, all races, all ethnicities, celebrities, citizens, non-citizens, doesn't matter. We are all affected in some way, no one is immune. COVID has leveled the playing field. In some areas more so than others. 

This post however is about how COVID has shaped our past year in my household with regards to parenting. Let's take another flashback to about Fall 2019- My husband and I were ready to start trying for a second child. We weren't actively tracking or anything, just casually trying. I went on a women's conference in January and that inspired me to start taking better care of my body after. I joined BeachBody in February 2020 and began losing weight. March 2020 rolls around, and now we're home more than we were before, I had more time to exercise and well, more time to try for a baby. We get a lot of jokes that this baby was a "Quarantinee baby" and maybe he is, but we also were actually trying to get pregnant prior. In fact, we decided together that if this cycle weren't successful that we would take a break because of how uncertain the world was, our financials, etc. But, come May 8th exactly, we found out that we had conceived around March 24th. Baby #2! 

However COVID had some serious plans on how this pregnancy was going to go, which was A LOT different from my first pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant in May, there was not a single cell in my body that thought the pandemic would still be going on when I was due with the baby in January 2021. I didn't even think it was going to last into the SUMMER. But we took it one day at a time, with the rest of the world. And days became weeks, weeks became months. I began to realize as I entered into my second and third trimesters spent in quarantine, that literally none of my coworkers-not one- had even seen me pregnant. Only 3 friends had seen me pregnant, and very very few family members. Compared to my first pregnancy where coworkers would oodle over how big I was getting, family would want to feel baby kick, etc- this felt so much different. It barely even felt real. As I approached the end of my pregnancy in December 2020, I couldn't believe that I had basically had an entire pregnancy in quarantine. What did this mean for my delivery? I had previously felt sympathy for my friends who had delivered Spring- Summer 2020 delivering in COVID, and now here we were too. I couldn't believe it. 

The delivery was a lot different- I was only allowed to have my husband in the room the entire time, and he wasn't allowed to leave, even for food or to go to the car. We had to call security even to make an exception because our basement had a flood on Christmas Eve night and husband had to leave and come back to take us home Christmas Day. Crazy!! I also never thought I would be able to deliver a baby while wearing a mask- in fact I was dreading it- but when it came time to push, I barely even remember having the mask on. That was literally the least of my concerns! 

I'd say post partum has been one of the biggest differences in the 2 pregnancies thanks to COVID. With my first, friends and family were allowed to visit the hospital, and lots of friends and family came to visit us at home too once Abby was home. This time, only his grandparents and uncle had met him for pretty much his entire first two months of life. We don't know how much longer this will last, not being able to see family-- and part of me fears that no one will get to know my son until he's able to walk into the next family party. Everyone will miss these baby days and that is so sad. I try and compensate by taking lots of pictures and videos for my family to watch. 

 It also is so crazy that the last family gatherings we really had were for Christmas 2019. That means that my daughter Abby was *barely* even walking, and only saying a FEW words. Now she's practically a little adult and having full conversations! It is sad to me that our closest family and friends haven't been able to see her go through those exciting stages. It is sad that at the next family party one day, she will likely be shy in front of everyone because she won't remember them. I worry too how much COVID has changed who my daughter will become one day, and what she must think of the world, and how this has changed her permanently. In a world without COVID, she would have at least met other children at mommy & me classes, storytime sessions at the mall & library, music classes, etc., but for the past year, like so many other children, she's pretty much been raised with just my husband and I and her grandparents...and TV. In the time where it is so important to start socializing is when we were forced to completely stop. Now we are just starting to kind of come out of quarantine and she is very shy. We are doing a toddler gymnastics class and take her to the park on nice days, and when other children try and talk to her she kind of just stares at them or walks away. The only saving grace here is that most other kids her age will have been in the exact same boat. But what does that mean for her narrow generation of these kids from age 0-5 right now that are missing out on that core social development? How will that shape who they become in their personalities? Will they grow up thinking virtual school is normal? That talking to family on screens is normal? That its normal to stay in our house all the time? That its completely normal to wear masks? I often wonder when it is time to take our masks off, will our young children that have grown accustomed to it suddenly feel naked? Vulnerable? 

If you had told me last year in March that this was going to last until March 2021, I would never have believed you. And yet now who knows how much longer we have ahead of us even. Another year? Two? Three? I never thought our world could be so crippled by a virus, and I even come from healthcare. If you had described all this to me prior to last March, I woulda said you have a good idea for a plot to a movie. It's crazy how a lot of us mourn "the last fun thing" we did before we unexpectedly had to quarantine. Brian and I had a fun date night for Valentines 2020 before the shutdown. We also got to go to Florida in January 2020 and are so incredibly lucky and happy we did- despite not really having the finances for it- it was well worth it because that was our last vacation for a long, long time. It also feels so weird to me now to have a memory of being in an arena with thousands of other women. Anyone else think its weird seeing groups of people together in old TV shows or movies, commercials? 

COVID has also changed our resilience as parents, in good and bad ways... In good ways, its made us stronger in terms of staying home with our kids more, learning more about our kids, overcoming new challenges and learning from them, but also in bad ways. By that I mean that when the world returns to normal, frankly, we're going to be exhausted. Right now, after laying low and quarantining for a year, the thought of having jam packed weekends of birthdays, family parties, friends, and a week full of going to the office, restaurants, activities....sounds exhausting. Especially this time around with two children. When we had Abby we didn't know any different. Of course we were going to do all those things and bring her with us, thats what you do as people in this society. But frankly, with a newborn, its been kind of nice just staying home with him. Not having that pressure to go out and join the world is really been nice, as much as it is lonely. It's definitely a two-edged sword. 

Who knows what is in store for us as a family and for the world in the near future. After the year we all had in 2020, I think we've all become resistant to crazy and we are all just rolling with the punches. What life brings it will bring. If this last another year then so be it. 

I hope all of you are staying safe and healthy. I can't wait to start seeing you all again soon. 

Love, 

The New Motherboard. 

The Adventures of Week One

Wow! Holy cow. Baby Abby is 9 days old and today marks one week since she has been home with us! That is insane. It's crazy to think she's only 9 days old but already it feels like I have known her forever. It's surreal at this point knowing less than two weeks ago she was still inside of me. Happy to report that we saw the pediatrician on Wednesday and she is growing right on par and she has surpassed her birth weight!That means we can let her sleep longer and go longer in between feedings! Good for us...not good for boobs lol.

Surviving week one has been interesting to say the least! I have a lot to share! Please know that these are just my findings with my own baby and that anything I say is not scientifically proven or researched, just my experiences! Also, I am not getting paid by any company to say I like their product.

The first thing I have come to realize is that parenting is a lot like starting a new job. I've had approximately 10 different roles/jobs throughout my years on earth and each one of them seemed like an impossible feat at the time. Even back to my days working at Shoprite(grocery), I remember being promoted to a cashier and learning the register and thinking that was going to be impossible. Soon enough it became something I loved to do! Looking back now, it's one of the easiest jobs I've ever had! But my point is, when you start a new job, everything is scary. Literally nothing makes sense and every little thing you need to learn or gain access to or figure out, and you have no idea who you can even ask for help. But slowly, little by little, at the end of each day at that job, you learned something new. You made lots of mistakes but now you know how you can avoid those mistakes again. Slowly things start making sense and you know more than you knew yesterday. Sure new challenges will come up but that's growth!! So to me, that's how parenting feels. Day one neither of us knew anything, it was like walking on thin ice around here- afraid to do anything wrong. And then little by little, trial and error, we figure things out. We know what not to do the next day. Sure there are set backs but we learn from them!

Here are some of the quick lessons we figured out that I'd like to share with any other new parents!

1) The Boppy? What. The. Heck. Is the point! We are exclusively breastfeeding and I have given the boppy MANY chances and have yet to find it helpful. I'm talking about the half-circle donut that is supposed to wrap around your stomach to aid in positioning the baby. It doesn't. Maybe I just have a weird shape but it doesn't work. Perhaps it may aid in bottle feeding, but for breast feeding, not for me! I always end up having to lift her up more from the boppy thus making it pointless for it to be there, and my arms are just as tired all the same! Literally the first few nights I would rest her head on a stack of diapers I could reach at arms length! In retrospect, lately I have also learned (see these small lessons?) that Boppy also makes a wedge product that works a lot better if I just rest the wedge on top of a blanket. Its a wedge I used throughout the pregnancy to rest my belly on as I slept so I wouldn't feel the weight of my belly dragging downward.

2) Have a burp cloth in as many reachable spots in your household possible. I mean it. I have used many other things (including my shirt) as stand in burp cloths because I forgot to bring one with me and there I am topless and she's on me and spitting up and no other options! My poor husband has fetched me so many cloths when we had moments in need!  Even though I have learned this lesson many times, I am still working on making this a reality, because burp cloths travel!!! I have about 3-4 favorite spots that I like to breastfeed and theres always something missing when I sit down to feed. It's a learning curve getting the hang of making sure I have everything before I breastfeed.

3) Speaking of breastfeeding, I have learned that you need at LEAST four hands to breastfeed correctly, especially in the beginning as you learn! One hand needs to be holding her. One hand needs to be available for grabbing things. One hand needs to be batting away her hands away from her mouth. And one hand needs to be making the "cheeseburger" effect with the boob so she can latch on correctly! It's quite the feat! Oh and maybe another hand in there to wipe excess milk off her face.

4) Sadly, so so so so sadly, we have learned that most baby products are positively useless. They market all of this crazy technology and we fell for a lot of it, buying the high tech swing that plays music, the bouncer that can play music and vibrate, the pack and play that can play music and other things I haven't even investigated, the bassinet that can do music and move the mobile, and it's honestly all just not needed. We literally haven't even put batteries in any of it yet. We still may, you never know, but babies really just need a place to sleep, a place to nap, a changing table, diapers, changing supplies, and food! Okay maybe a little more than that, but it's really all just basics. Plus a lot of the stuff they market to parents ends up not even being SAFE for children which is really terrifying (any product meant for the car or car seat, sleep products, etc). I must say though that the one piece of "high tech baby" equipment we all love so far is her swing. We haven't used it to its full extent yet, but it does plug in and it swings her for as long as we want, and she seems to love it. It's been a god send for some day time naps!

5) Buttons. Buttons on baby clothes should be outlawed. AGAINST THE LAW. WHAT is even the POINT. Like WHO DOES THAT. And they disguise these dreaded devil buttons on the CUTEST clothes and laugh at the profit they're making while parents are crying at 3 am doing 18 buttons for the 10th time in a row!! It's truly unreal. They make the BEST sleeper sacks that have ZIPPERS. I want to buy whoever had that brilliant idea a nice drink, as I'm sure most parents would. You still can't avoid all buttons usually, as onesies have buttons as do many day time clothes, but not having to button and rebutton overnight is truly the best. Team zipper alllllllll the way.

6) Socks. Oh, Socks. I had such high hopes. They are so cute, but we learned pretty quickly that there is no point in trying to make sure they stay together as matches. It seems like they haven't invented a sock that stays on a baby yet, so we find socks down all over the place. We call a "sock down" alert! And also, they make all these insane sock/slippers that are truly adorable but utterly pointless. You really just need solid color (small) snug socks that you won't be upset if you lose one. Or many. As I write this, she's sitting next to me, literally just sitting in a bouncer and has somehow lost a sock.

7) Don't spend too much energy picking the cutest outfit out for your little one because within a minute after putting them in, (buttons and all!), there could be a code spit up, code brown, code milk spill, or code yellow.... And other times we last a whole day with no codes! Its just a gamble and theres no use in getting attached to the cutest outfits! Take pictures of them in the outfit while you can if you love it that much!

8) Keep the old diaper under her til the very last minute and have your next one ready to go!!! We have already had quite a few oopsies with poop and pee on the changing mat! Still learning!

9) Pants. For some reason no one thinks to get pants for parents as gifts! Probably because they aren't cute, but man are they needed. A lot of times they come as outfits, but we have all these onesies and literally one pair  of pants to put over them. So first trip out to target already to buy baby pants lol. It's these random things no one tells you!

So those are the quick lessons we learned in week one.

As for bigger lessons, well we are still learning those as will we be for the rest of our lives. Like breastfeeding, sleeping schedules, etc.

As for breastfeeding, I truly love it. I never thought I would say those words however prior to birth or even the first three days of breast feeding. Prior to birth I had a lot of anxiety about it if I could do it or not. Then the first three days was literally torture. She wasn't latching on the best she could and my one side especially felt like daggers for 5 straight minutes as she fed. I am not lying when I said I had to do some lamaze breathing during feedings to get through the pain. But, magically, like literally in the blink of an eye, it became bearable about day 4. Of course within the first three days I panicked and bought like 5 breastfeeding products on amazon to help with the pain and by the time they arrived I haven't opened a single one. It transitioned from being torture, to being bearable, to being something I truly love to do! But if you are considering it or are unsure, here are my personal pros and cons of breastfeeding:

Con:
- As a mom you are literally tied to her 24/7.  They strongly advise not pumping and offering a bottle for at least a month so she gets used to nipple first. This means no escape trips out. This means daddy can't bond with her and feed her (yet). This means that I have to assist in every single time she is awake during the night and can't sleep through any. I literally can't leave her presence this first month in fear that she would need food and I can't be there for her. So that can be exhausting, indeed.
- Like I said, at first, it HURTS. But I took the pain as one for the team and knew that each pain was hopefully one step closer to success.
- There are rules that are hard to predict, the one that plagues me is coffee! I really don't drink a lot. During the pregnancy I had 12 oz a day, which is what the doctor allowed. Now that I am breastfeeding I have heard lots of different recommendations, but most say to wait at least an hour after consuming the caffeine to breastfeed. Its been really, really hard predicting when I will see a 60-90 minute break in feeding. Sometimes she goes 3.5 hours without eating and sometimes its 30-45 minutes. And two days in a row now I got it wrong and I had to watch her cry as we waited the last 15-30 minutes til I felt okay feeding her again. I know I think I am overthinking it, but still I just want to do right by her.
- The farts. Oh man....The farts. They come out of her like liquid gold. Truly. Its quiet and then all of the sudden we hear the loudest "shart" you have ever heard. We take turns on who has to get those diapers....lol.

And those are the only cons I have!

Pros:
- Although I said being the only one that can feed her is a con, its ALSO a Pro. With all of our visitors and everyone that loves her and wants to spend time with her, I would be lying if I said that my heart didn't do a little happy dance when she gets hungry and I can go to a separate room and just have mommy/daughter time as I feed her. For now, until we introduce the bottle, it's something only her and I share. Although it's exhausting, I wouldn't trade it for the entire world.
- I know exactly what my daughter is ingesting and don't have to worry which formula is best.
-Cheaper, obviously.
- A never ending supply on hand! No late night trips to target to get more!
- Don't have to figure out/deal with warming bottles at 3 am, just pop out the boob and ready to go!
- They say the longer you breastfeed, the higher IQ the child has and the less chance I have of getting breast cancer and ovarian cancer.
- Higher immunity for baby for life! Can't beat that!
- Mommy weight loss!! Yay! In 9 days I am 17 pounds down, nearly half of my baby weight gain. I haven't exercised one bit, not even my usual walks (at first was too sore then the northeast got a killer heat wave), and have eaten pretty much whatever I want. This rocks!


Honestly I love it. And I have been blessed by the boob gods that I happen to have an over-supply of milk! I haven't even opened my breast pump yet, and yet I have approximately 60 oz of milk sitting in my freezer already. At first in the first few days when I fed her I noticed the other boob leaking a lot. Soon it became unbearable as I would have to change my shirt each time and couldn't go out in public or see visitors because it was just nonstop leaking. Then I found a product (thanks to my friend Corey!) Called Milkies Milk savers. It is truly the best. There is no hand expressing or pumping involved, its a little plastic thing you wear in your bra and its only job is to collect leaked milk. And I have 60 oz just from that. Every feeding I do (approx 8-10 a day), I get 2-2.5 oz from the other breast. I am looking into donating at this time but am looking at all options as we tread soon into waters where we will see what supply she will need when I will have to go to work. At this point though we need to go get another freezer lol...

I also think watching her breastfeed is the cutest/funniest thing on the planet. Here are the stages of breastfeeding I notice:

- Tears in the degree of she thinks she may starve to death if she doesn't eat right now (Mommy gets the same way lol)
- She latches on as if she's attacking a gigantic cheeseburger and she is ravenous. You can literally see it in her eyes she is so happy she has food now. She grips on to the boob as if someone may take it.
- two minutes later she forgets what she came there for, mommy has to remind her.
- She remembers and is vigorously back at the boob.
- Falls asleep at the boob. I keep reminding her that classy ladies don't fall asleep at the bar but she doesn't listen lol.
- back and forth between remembering she's at the boob and sleep until finally she finishes off the tap and goes into milk drunk coma. Success.



Sleeping! Ahhhhhhh sleep. So my husband and I are lucky enough that he was able to get off for two weeks to be with me as we transition as new parents. We truly have no idea what we are doing but we came up with the idea of "shift parenting" (its probably in a book out there somewhere but whatev). So we do this shift parenting at night time, usually between the hours of 9pm- 9 am. One person goes to bed around 9 pm and the other parent stays up with her til approx 12-1 am. If I am sleeping first, then hubby brings me baby to eat and I go back to sleep til my "shift" starts. If hubby sleeps first then I just hang with her and feed on demand of course. Then the first duty parent comes to bed and Abby does too. The next parent is "on" and will handle any fussiness, diaper changes and coordinate the feedings until approximately 4-5 am. So if that person is me, hubby gets a nice block of sleep, and if that person is hubby, he handles all the others and brings her to me to eat in bed and supervises me so I don't fall asleep and then tucks her back in. This system has worked out really nicely for us as it allows at least one of us if not both to get at least a solid 3-4 hour chunk of sleep at a time. Things will change when hubby goes back to work soon, and we haven't quite solidified a plan for that yet but are working out some ideas. But I highly recommend this pattern to new parents! Especially if breastfeeding. Otherwise, sometimes we sleep when baby sleeps. But usually one parent is awake at all times during the day if the other needs a nap.

How are mommy and daddy doing otherwise? Pretty good. Considering. The hardest part that I can speak to as a mom, is the raging hormones flip flopping all over the place and the baby blues that come and go as a result. I love her more than words could ever say, but the mix of being sleep deprived and the monotonous routine of diaper change, feed, sleep, repeat, gets boring and exhausting. Being tied up in the house but also afraid to take trips out in fear of what could happen outside the house too. Yesterday, Day 8 I had my first random (totally totally random) bout of tears for literally no reason. Everything was fine but I was overtired and couldn't find a lunch option I liked lol. But I know it gets better. I still soak in all of these moments and cuddles and every moment I have with her because she is already growing so fast and I love every single second.


All in all, like I said these are just my experiences. Everything I say could be completely different for another family or another mom. Hopefully some of my tips however can help another family though!

With that I will leave you, thank you to those that took the time to read a super long post! Unless a unique topic pops into my head, I plan to write next on how Month #1 has gone! Looking forward to lots of lessons coming soon!

Love, the new Motherboard.