First Trimester: Twice and Done?

Hello Readers!

I come to you today with great news! Abby is almost 2 years old, and we are officially almost 15 weeks with our newest little addition! So I wanted to document how my first trimester has been and how life is with a toddler!

It was May 8. We found out May 8. We purposely waited to test on a Friday so that either way how the news went we could soak in it over the weekend. We had been trying for our second for a few months (since Fall 2019), so we were starting to fall into the same pattern of hoping every cycle and being really bummed out when it was negative. Well, it was a rather underwhelming and confusing test this time around! We took the test and saw the results and it looked negative. We went through our usual "bummer"s and hugs and "next times" and continued on with our morning brushing our teeth. But then we kept looking at it... was that a second line? Was it? Nah. It was SO faint. SO FAINT. It couldn't be. We had no idea and didn't want to get our hopes up. I was two weeks late past my cycle, but that was nothing new for me and my cycle patterns. So, was I 6 weeks pregnant or was this faint line just a tease? We googled it and sure enough, it seemed convincing that the faint line was indeed a positive. But it was hard to believe and I didn't want to get my hopes up.

I called my doctor to explain this faint line syndrome and she advised to test again in one week. But man did that week feel like an eternity! And in the meantime, my body definitely started acting like I was pregnant *right away*. Nausea was in full effect from day one, so it was even harder to not get my hopes up. Well sure enough, we ended up testing two more times, and although still faint, definitely two lines! We were pregnant!

Then...then something happened to my mindset. Let me explain.

Before May 8, I had been making huge strides in working on myself. Not only was I working out 5 days a week, I was losing inches and weight, I was waking up at 6 am every day doing my daily affirmations and journaling-- I had concrete plans on releasing a book journal template, finishing my book I've been working on, potentially starting a new business, working on my data scientist skills, and a few other goals. And then I found out I was pregnant. And don't get me wrong in any way, like I said earlier, we WANTED to get pregnant, I wanted this and I already loved this baby so much. But another part of me felt like...why go after the new fit body when I was just going to become huge again? Why start a business now when I might feel overwhelmed about it all when I might have a business, a toddler and a baby in 9 months? What if my momentum now will cause too much stress in the future? A huge part of me has a lot of anxiety of the unknown. Reading my past posts before Abby even came into the world, I had a lot of anxiety about what it would be like to a mom of a newborn, and then a mom of a toddler. But then I knew I had to just take it one day at a time. And I know I still do. Sure, life with a 2.5 year old and a newborn will be an adjustment but I can't worry about that now, I can worry about it when January 2021 comes. And as for my mindset switch? I decided to let it be. My body needs to rest and thats what felt like being right at the time for me. I'm 32, the books and business ideas and projects have plenty of time. And for the longest time, I blamed it somehow on the news of being pregnant. But a few weeks ago, I had another epiphany. Something else happened May 8- That week was my last week of my semester in my masters program. I'm the type of person that thrives on being busy. Got lots of homework? Great! Lets power through and get that done and start a business at the same time because I'm already going at full speed. And at the end of every semester I always say, THIS summer I am going to get SO MUCH done. I'm going to maintain my practice on my data scientist skills and I will come out so ahead. And maybe I would have if I hadn't found out about the pregnancy, but my track record of last summer would state otherwise. When I find myself with more time, I somehow want to do even less.

SO yeah. I have slowly, slowly, been working on putting back the pieces and trying to get up and work on my daily affirmations and journaling still. But getting up at 6 am to do that sounds so hard when the bed is so inviting at the same time! Still working on that. Throw into the mix 4 months of quarantine will also mess with the best of us working on our goals.

The pregnancy itself has almost been a carbon copy of my first pregnancy with Abby. And disclaimer- I do not intend to sound like I am complaining about being pregnant. I LOVE being pregnant and having the *privilege* to be so lucky that I am blessed enough to carry not one but two babies into this world. I am so blessed, I know that every day and I am so grateful every single day.  BUT that doesn't mean I have to hide the hardships of the pregnancy either. For me, my experience in the two pregnancies I've had, the first trimester brings immense amounts of nausea. No vomiting, thank god, but crazy nausea. Like usually by 8-9 am, until bedtime. I get to sleep nausea free (usually) but then repeat cycle. Being so nauseous just makes you feel so unstable. You feel so vulnerable and your stomach just feels like it could fall right out of your abdomen. I started craving carbs- any carbs (especially bagels) and it was one of the few things I could tolerate that not only helped me feel better but didn't make me feel worse. Vegetables? Forget it. Salad? Ha! Bread? Bring me all the bread. I swore to myself when I was losing weight and learning about nutrition I would do pregnancy better this time around, eat better this time, but when you feel like total crap and have been nauseous all day, and that bagel with butter is calling your name, nutrition (for me at least) goes completely out the window.

*Total disclaimer* I am not a doctor, obviously. But I want to share what my own doctor suggested for my nausea, and it has been a game changer. I had actually completely forgotten about this from Abby's pregnancy and when the doctor reminded me at my first prenatal I was so relieved. Half a tab of Unisom (yes, its a sleeping aid pill) before bedtime. Half a tab. Thats it. It makes you sleepy, sure- but for some magical reason it curbs the nausea almost completely the next day. I hope this trick can help anyone else out there.

After the nausea faded, about 2-3 weeks ago my headaches started. I got these in Abby's second trimester also, but I was hoping to have more time before they got this bad. I plan to write a whole separate blog on how to deal with pregnancy headaches, but it is no easy feat. Especially trying to care for a toddler and a pounding pulsating head at the same time. I thank the Lord that I have an amazing husband that helps so much in these times (and all times).

Needless to say, between the nausea, headaches, and total and complete exhaustion, it's been hard keeping my workout routine. I've been lately in these last few weeks to get 2, maybe 3 workouts in per week. And I hate that. But I also have to give myself some grace, and know that I will get back to it in full swing, one day. One day soon!

Abby is the most beautiful and smartest creature I've ever met and it's hard to believe I helped make her and bring her into this planet. Her favorite things right now are planes, going on walks, playing with stuffed animals, playing house. Her favorite things to watch are Monsters Inc, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Doc McStuffins. She can sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the ABCs. She can correctly identify most letters when written and gets most of her colors correctly identified, although still has trouble verbalizing the colors. She is starting to string together 3 word sentences and amazes me every day with each new word she learns every day. She is the sweetest little girl and knows when I am sick because she gives me extra snuggles and hugs those days. She is also almost 2 and is definitely testing Mommy and Daddy's rules and her limits, so thats been real fun. She's exercising her right to shout NO and throw things in defiance, so we are working on that. But seeing her smile and getting her hug and her head on my shoulder, hearing her giggle is the best thing on this entire planet. Always will be.

Almost 15 weeks, and counting. I plan to update you all on this pregnancy and am so happy everyone finally knows (it's always so hard keeping it from everyone when you just want to shout it from the rooftops!)

Til next time,

The New Motherboard.